Old Claim: If vocational rehabilitation programs contribute significantly to the numbers of the deaf students who are studying in higher education and the increased employment rates at United States, then redefining vocational rehabilitation programs at Korea would also contribute to increasing numbers of the Korean deaf students obtaining higher education and better employment rates.
Monday, October 7, 2013
New Claim, based on the feedback.
New Claim: If South Korean vocational rehabilitation program provide necessary academic expenses to deaf students, deaf students will have higher academic success rate.
Old Claim: If vocational rehabilitation programs contribute significantly to the numbers of the deaf students who are studying in higher education and the increased employment rates at United States, then redefining vocational rehabilitation programs at Korea would also contribute to increasing numbers of the Korean deaf students obtaining higher education and better employment rates.
Old Claim: If vocational rehabilitation programs contribute significantly to the numbers of the deaf students who are studying in higher education and the increased employment rates at United States, then redefining vocational rehabilitation programs at Korea would also contribute to increasing numbers of the Korean deaf students obtaining higher education and better employment rates.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Less wordy. Higher academic success rate, does that specific college or working world success rate?
ReplyDeleteI would measure success rate by graduation rate - thanks!
DeleteWhat do you mean by "necessary". People will surely disagree on the breadth of expenses that VR is to cover. So maybe you don't need to edit your claim, but do think about addressing that in your paper.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if you could say something about invest in academic expenses for Deaf students, instead of saying necessary. That would make it seem more positive.
ReplyDeleteIs my thinking clear?
yeah, I see where you're trying to go with this. Thanks!
DeleteWhat about something like that?
ReplyDeleteDeaf people in South Korea have limited upward mobility in employment because of limited financial support; without one, they are denied opportunities for higher education learning.
How important is it that they get support from Voc Rehab? Will any form of financial support do? Also is the lack of financial support the big reason? What about access to learning? (interpreters and attitude of professors) What about their K12 education? Are there enough deaf students with the kind of K12 education that is solid enough for them to succeed in higher education?
the k-8 education is mandated, with 8-12 being optional. I understand your direction, but that's not what my intentions for this type of paper. I hope to focus on higher education and vocational rehabilitation's service...
Delete